Latest Jokes

Once upon a time, two very sheltered monks visited the US for the first time and wanted to experience life in New York.

Upon visiting and receiving their first hot dogs ever, one monk asked the other, "Which part of the dog did you get?"

I was driving home from work when I was pulled over for not wearing a seat belt. Three days later, I got the same ticket, at the same stop, from the same cop.

“So, have you learned anything?” asked the cop.

“Yes, I have,” I began. “I’ve learned it's time to find a new way home from work.”

A guy was fixing up the floor and laying down carpet in some woman's home. As he was finishing, he noticed a bump in the carpet and figured that he had laid carpet over a package of nails he used earlier.

Rather than to take up the carpet, he decided to get a hammer and pound the package into the ground so no one would know.

When he finished that, the owner of the house walked into the room and commented on what a nice job he had done. "The carpet looks wonderful!" she exclaimed. "Here are your nails, I found them in the kitchen. By the way, have you seen my phone?"

An organ grinder and a monkey enter a tavern and take a couple seats at the bar.
"Give me a shot of whiskey!" said the organ grinder to the bartender.

"I'll have the same," said the monkey.

The bartender looks in astonishment as he pours the drinks.

"What's the special here?" the organ grinder asks.

"Yeah," the monkey chimes in. "We're starving."

"O.K.," says the bartender. "What's going on here? You're a monkey. You can't talk!"

"I sure can! Not only can I talk, but I'm also a ventriloquist!"