Latest Jokes

A happily married man had only one complaint, his wife was always nursing sick birds. One cold evening, he came home to find a raven with a splint on its beak sitting in his favorite chair.

On the dining room table there was a feverish eagle pecking at an aspirin while in the kitchen his wife was comforting a shivering little wren that she found.

The furious spouse strode over to where his wife was toweling down the cold little bird.

"I can't take it any more! We've got to get rid of all of these darn..."

The wife held up her hand to cut him off in mid-curse. "Please dear," she said, "not in front of the chilled wren."

(Husband to wife) If I could write a check for a million dollars, I could afford to be eccentric.

(Wife) Keep working at it honey, at this point in time you can only afford to be delusional.

A man goes into a patent office. He tells the clerk that he’s invented a baseball bat that dings when you hit the ball.

The clerk yells into the back room, "Hey Frank, it’s your turn, we have another 'ding bat'!"

I won $3 million on the Lottery this weekend. I decided to donate a quarter of it to Charity.

Now I have $2,999,999.75!