Latest Jokes

What did the trash compactor say to the wine bottle?

"I've got a crush on you!"

A guy and his dog went into a bar. The guy tells the bartender, named Rafe, that his dog is the smartest dog in the world. Rafe tells the guy to prove it.

Guy: What's the bartenders name?
Dog: Rafe!

Guy: What's the thing that covers a house?
Dog: Roof!

Guy: What is the opposite of smooth?
Dog: Rough!

Guy: Who's the greatest baseball player of all time?
Dog: Ruth!

Then Rafe kicks the guy and his dog out of the bar because he's had enough of their trickery. When outside the bar, the dog says to the guy, "I think I know what went wrong. I should have said 'Mantle'!"

My wife has been stressing the importance of punctuality to me recently. I made a point of picking her up early at the bridge club for the first time today.

You should have seen the shocked looks of the faces of the ladies when they found out I’m alive. Apparently my wife has been referring to me as her late husband.