Father in a conversation with a neighbor...
First son: Degree in Economics
Second son: MBA
Third son: PhD
Fourth son: Thief
Neighbor: Why can't you throw the fourth son out of your house?
Father: He is the only one earning money. The rest are unemployed.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache, and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
The only contest I ever won in my family was eating the most paint chips!
Dentists. Doesn't your mouth just hurt when you hear that word? Not only painful - but expensive.
"That'll be 5,000 dollars."
"What? Why?"
"The price of gold went up."