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Favorite this joke Teacher: Little Johnny, did you finish your reading assignment?
Little Johnny: No, but I don't like to read.
Teacher: Have you ever heard of George Washington, Abraham Lincoln or Bubba B. Snodgrass?
Little Johnny: Who is Bubba B. Snodgrass?
Teacher: He's a guy that didn't like to read.
Interviewer: "Congratulations on winning the lottery."
Farmer: "Thank you."
Interviewer: "Do you have any special plans for spending all of that money?"
Farmer: "Nope. Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming until the lottery money is all gone."
Two men crash into each other at an intersection. The first man steps out of his wrecked car screaming, "You rotten driver, you wrecked my Mercedes! I'm a lawyer, and I'm going to sue you for everything you have!"
The other man responds, "You lawyers only care about money, you don't even realize you just lost an arm!"
The lawyer looks down where his arm should be and yells, "Where's my Rolex!"
There was once a handyman who had a dog named Mace. Mace was a great dog except he had one weird habit: he liked to eat grass -- not just a little bit, but in quantities that would make a lawnmower blush. And nothing, it seemed, could cure him of it. One day, the handyman lost his wrench in the tall grass while he was working outside. He looked and looked, but it was nowhere to be found.
As it was getting dark, he gave up for the night and decided to look the next morning. When he awoke, he went outside and saw that his dog had eaten all the grass in the area, around where he had been working, and his wrench now lay in plain sight, glinting in the sun.
Going out to get his wrench, he called the dog over to him and said, "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound, that saved a wrench for me."
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