What happened when a man ordered a double?
The barman brought out someone that looked just like him.
Think the price of gas is expensive?
Have you seen the price of chimneys?
They are going through the roof!
There where once two brothers called William and Wayne. Will was 12 years old and his little brother was 3. The neighbors noticed they always went around together, if William went down to the ballpark, his little brother would toddle along behind him, even if the game was a bit rough; and when Wayne went to play group, his elder brother would come too, and sit there with all the toddlers.
One neighbor thought this was really strange, so one day he leaned over the fence and asked the kid's mother why they were so inseparable even though they had nothing in common.
Well, the mother replied, didn't you know: where there's a Will... there's a Wayne.
What's the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?
One is disgusted by a rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by a lack of RAM.