Latest Jokes

Teacher: "Why does an elephant have a trunk?"

Little Johnny: "Because it doesn't have a glove compartment!"

He decided to try to break the news to a friend of his, a pessimist by nature, and invited him to hunt with him and his new dog.

As they waited by the shore, a flock of ducks flew by. They fired and a duck fell. The dog responded and jumped into the water. The dog, however, did not sink but instead walked across the water to retrieve the bird, never getting more than his paws wet.

The friend saw everything but did not say a single word.

On the drive home the hunter asked his friend, "Did you notice anything unusual about my new dog?"

"I sure did," responded his friend. "He can't swim."

A man leaves a bar, gets into his car and drives away. 200 yards further he's stopped by a police officer.

Officer: "Good evening sir. We're testing drivers for drunken driving. Would you please blow into this machine?"

Man: "I'm sorry, I can't do that. I have asthma. If I blow on that machine I will get out of air."

Officer: "Please come along to the office and we can give you a blood test."

Man: "I can't do that. I have anemia and if you stick a needle in me I will bleed to death."

Officer: "Then you'll have to get out and walk 5 yards along this white line."

Man: "Can't do that either."

Officer: "Why not?"

Man: "Because I'm dead drunk!"