A jeweler called the police station to report a robbery.
"You'll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry, and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."
The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?"
"What's the difference?" asked the jeweler.
"Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears."
"Come to think of it, I couldn't see his ears," said the jeweler. "He had a stocking over his head."
After picking up food for his daughter's cat, George spied a new bowl for the pet and grabbed it too.
"Shall I have the cat's name written on the side of the bowl?" offered the store owner.
"No, don't bother," replied George. "He can't read anyway."
Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my shape to keep.
Please no wrinkles, Please no bags,
Please lift my butt before it sags.
Please no age spots, Please no gray,
As for my belly, Please take it away.
Keep me healthy, Keep me young,
And thank you Lord, For all you've done.