Two years after my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I felt discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and felt better quickly.
“Now, if I ever do have a heart attack,” I told my students, “I will give extra credit to whoever gives me CPR.”
One of them shouted out, ”How much?”
My second-grade student came running up to me, whining. “Look what Robert stuck on my back!"
It was a sticky note with the words “Kick me, I’m stupid” written on it.
I took Robert aside and lectured him on how to treat people with kindness and the importance of being polite and encouraging.
A few minute later, I heard, “Look what Robert stuck on my back!”
It was that first little boy, holding another sticky note.
This one said, “Kick me, I’m smart.”
Three politicians were in a heated discussion as to which one was the best liar. As the discussion was getting louder and louder the bartender suggested they have a liars contest. After agreeing to the rules the first says, "I have never told a lie,"
The second indicated that he was not capable of telling a lie.
The third won the prize as he assured the bartender that, "The other two had told the exact truth."
Me: "Can I have a pizza with liver and onions?"
Pizza Place: "We don't do liver."
Me To Wife: "I thought you said they do liver?"
Wife: "I was told they do deliver."
Me: "Not according to this guy."