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Favorite this joke On his first day back to work after the birth of his son, Randy's supervisor said, "I understand you have a new youngster at your house?"
Randy glanced around apprehensively, "For heaven's sake, you can't hear him all the way out here, can you?"
A red-faced judge convened court after a long lunch. The first case involved a man charged with drunk driving who claimed it simply wasn't true.
"I'm as sober as you are, your honor," the man claimed.
The judge replied, "Clerk, please enter a guilty plea. The defendant is sentenced to 30 days."
Mary Jane: "Your husband's birthday is coming up. What are you getting him?"
Wife: "Oh, 100 of his favorite cigars."
Mary Jane: "What did you pay for them?"
Wife: "Nothing! For the last few months I have taken one or two from his box daily. He has not noticed and will be delighted with my ability in getting the kind he always smoked."
In the daily briefing for the weather the weather man suggested with 100% certainty that the forecast for the afternoon call for heavy rains.
Assistant: "Are you positive, sir?"
Weatherman: "Yes indeed. I've lost my umbrella, I got my car washed on the way in, I'm going golfing, and my wife's giving a lawn party."
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