Did you hear about the runner who left his math homework at the starting line?
He thought he could run away from his problems.
In the men's room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it -- "Think!"
The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read -- "Thoap!"
Wife asks husband, "How many women have you slept with?"
Husband proudly replies, "Only you, Darling... with the others, I was awake."
What do you call a judge with no thumbs?
Justice Fingers.