What’s the difference between love and marriage?
Love is one long, sweet dream and marriage is the alarm clock.
Father: Little Johnny, I see by your report card that you are not doing well in history. How come?
Little Johnny: I can’t help it. The teacher always asks me about things that happened before I was born.
Cop: I’m arresting you for illegally downloading the entire Wikipedia.
Man: Wait! I can explain everything.
After reviewing Little Johnny's report card, Johnny's mother gave praise for the marks he received except for one class. "Johnny, I wish you would pay a little attention to your arithmetic."
"Well I do," Johnny replied. "I pay as little attention to arithmetic as possible."