Yesterday, I was washing the car with my son.
He said: “Dad, can’t you just use a sponge?”
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on!
Me: I'm terrified of random letters
Therapist: You are?
Me: (Screams)
Therapist: I see....
Me: (Scream intensifies)
A struggling zoo's main attraction, a gorilla, dies during their most popular season. They can't afford to lose the gorilla so they secretly hire one of the employees to be a gorilla in a suit for an extra $500 a week.
He quickly becomes even more popular than the original gorilla, everyone wants to see the human like gorilla.
After a few months his popularity begins to wane so he decides to raise the stacks. He climbs out of his enclosure and dangles from a tree in the lion exhibit but he loses his grip and falls.
Scared he begins to yell for help, "Somebody help!"
With this the lion pounces on top of him and whispers, "Shut up or you'll get us both fired!"