I have this friend. His name is Sam Katz.

One day he bragged to me that, "Everyone knows Sam Katz!"

I said, "You don't know the president of the United States." He said , "Let's go to the White House and I'll prove it."

So we went to the White House and Barack Obama greeted him and said to him, "Hey Sam Katz! How are you doing?"

After all the greetings I said, "You don't know Queen Elizabeth."

He said, "Let's go to Buckingham Palace and I'll prove it."

So we go there and the Queen says "Sam Katz, so good to see you again!"

After the greetings I said to him, "Okay. One last person, you don't know the pope."

He said, "Let's go to the Vatican and you wait outside and we'll come outside by the window and wave to you."

So that's exactly what we do. The next thing I do is faint.

My friend asked me, "What happened to you? I tell him, "It was one thing when you knew the president. It was another thing when you knew the queen. But when you came out with the pope by the window, and the guy next to me asked, "Who's the guy with Sam Katz?" I completely lost it.

Q: Why did the fungi leave the party?

A: There wasn't mushroom.

My ex-wife goes bowling with the money I send her each month.

I guess that's why they call it alley money.

Q: How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. You got a problem with that?