Customer: Waiter, I’m hungry. Please bring me a mashed potato sandwich on rye.
Waiter: What are you saying? Only an idiot would order mashed potatoes on rye bread.
Customer: You’re right. Make it on whole wheat toast.
Little Johnny: I’m so glad you named me Little Johnny.
Mother: Why do you say that?
Little Johnny: Because that’s what all the kids in school call me.
Woman: Doctor, please come quickly! My little boy has just swallowed my fountain pen!
Doctor: Of course, I’ll be right there. What are you doing in the meantime?
Woman: Using a pencil.
Sam: I’m having a lot of trouble with eczema, teacher.
Teacher: Heavens, where do you have it?
Sam: I don’t have it, I just can’t spell it.