Agent (to writer): I’ve got some good news and some bad news.
Writer: First tell me the good news.
Agent: Paramount Pictures just loved your script, absolutely ate it up.
Writer: That’s fantastic! And the bad news?
Agent: Paramount Pictures is the name of my dog.
Dispatcher: Nine one one. What is your emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks. Why?
Pulling guard duty in the army is dull work.
But I never realized just how dull until one night, with nothing else to do, I looked underneath my desk.
There I found these words scrawled by a predecessor: Man, you must really be bored!
Little Johnny: That knife-throwing act was terrible. I want my money back.
Carnival Owner: What was the matter with it?
Little Johnny: Call that a knife thrower? He got ten chances and he didn’t even hit that girl once!