A lady moved from Phoenix to Seattle and when she arrived it was raining. While she moved in, it rained. The next day it rained, and the next, and then the next.

After several rainy days, while standing on her porch, she noticed a young boy on the porch of her neighbor's house. Trying not to sound too depressed, in a cheerful voice she called over to the lad, "Hi son, I'm your new neighbor."

"Hi," the boy called back and waved.

"Say, son, does it ever stop raining here?" she asked.

With a look of consternation, the youngster replied, "Lady, how would I know? I'm only six years old!"

A husband comes in from the garage. His wife asks, "What's wrong?"

He replies, "I lost something. I thought I had put it somewhere safe in the garage."

"How many safe places are there in the garage?" she asks.

"Clearly one more than I can remember."

The crowded cafeteria sported a large sign reading: "Watch Your Hat and Overcoat."

Meyer did. He kept turning every minute, almost choking over his food. His pal, Moshe, kept on eating, without thought of his own coat on the hook. Finally Moshe said, "You, dope, stop watching our overcoats."

"I'm only watching mine," replied Meyer. "Yours has been gone for over half an hour."

2014: I will get my weight down below 180 pounds.

2015: I will follow my new diet religiously until I get below 200 pounds.

2016: I will develop a realistic attitude about my weight.

2017: I will work out 3 days a week.

2018: I will try to drive past a gym at least once a week.