Two friends were going on a road trip to Florida. A neighbor told them that they'd be fine as long as they paid close attention to the road signs along the way.

They'd driven 30 miles when they saw one that read, "Clean Restrooms Ahead".

Two months later they arrived in Florida exhausted, having used up 86 bottles of Windex, 267 rolls of paper towels, and three cases of toilet-bowl cleaner. Total restrooms cleaned: 450.

I got a job in a workout center, but they quickly let me go...

They said I wasn't fit for the job.

Little Johnny asked his Grandma how old she was.

Grandma answered, "39 and holding."

Johnny thought about that and then asked, "And how old would you be if you let go?"

Two older women who were rivals in a social circle met at a party.

"My dear," said the first woman "Are those real pearls?"

"They are," replied the second woman.

"Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled the first woman.

The second responded, "Yes, but for that you would need real teeth."