“Dad, the career counselor said that with a mind like mine I should study criminal law.”
“That is wonderful, son. I’m proud of you.”
“He said I had a criminal mind.”

“I’m not at all satisfied with the evidence against you,” said the judge to the prisoner on trial, “so I shall find you not guilty. You are discharged.”
“Oh, good,” said the prisoner, “does that mean I can keep the money?”

Why did the idiot throw the clock out of the window? Because he wanted to see time fly!

A young bride tells her friend, “Paul keeps telling everyone he’s going to marry the most beautiful girl in the world.”

The friend replies, “What a shame, and after all the time you’ve been engaged too.”