I’ve started growing herbs in my garden.
To help identify them I’m growing them in alphabetical order.
My neighbour asked me, “How do you find the time?”
I said, “Easy, it’s right here next to the sage.”
Pirate: I have moles on me back aaarrrghh.
Doc: It's ok, they're benign.
Pirate: Count again, I think there be ten!
The other day, I rang the Speaking Clock. It said, “What's the matter, can't you afford a watch? Are you too lazy to lift your arm up, you idiot?“
It was Greenwich Mean Time.
My son is studying to become a lawyer, so I texted him...
"If you tickle a man to death by accident... is it manslaughter???