Past Winners

For my grandmother's 80th birthday, we had a huge family celebration and even managed to get a photo announcement printed in the local paper. "That was a nice shot," I commented.

"It's my passport picture," she revealed.

"Really?" I stared in complete amazement at my homebody grandma. "Where did you go?"

"Walgreens," she replied.

What tree has the most hair?

A fir tree!

"What is your brother's name?"

Little Jane: "I don't know yet. We can't understand a word he says."

One day a man walked into a bar and ordered a glass of water. He drank half of it and poured the rest on the bartender. The bartender got angry, grabbed the man by the collar, pulled him close to his face, and asked, "Why did you do that?"

The man said very apologetically, "I am so very sorry sir. Please forgive me. I can't help it. It's an illness I can't get rid of. I am so ashamed of it. How can I make it up to you?"

The bartender answered, "Haven't you seen anyone about this problem?"

The man replied, "I never thought of that. Maybe I will."

The bartender said, "Don't come back until you do get help," and the man left. About three months later the man came back to the same bar. He ordered another glass of water, drank half of it, and poured the rest on the bartender.

The bartender shouted, "I thought I told you not to come back until you got help!"

The man replied, "I did, and it worked out great! Now I don't feel ashamed at all!"