Past Winners

Man: I'm new around here. Will you please direct me to the bank?

Little boy: I will, but only if you pay me ten dollars.

Man: Why should I pay you so much?

Little boy: Because bank directors are always highly paid.

All day I drill holes in metal and bolt them together...

At first it's boring, but then it's riveting.

Scene: With a patient in my medical exam room

Me: How old are your kids?

Patient: 44 and 39 with my wife who passed away, and 15 and 13 with my second wife.

Me: That’s quite the age difference!

Patient: Well, the older ones didn’t give me any grandkids, so I made my own.

My boss said, “I find it highly suspicious that you are only sick on weekdays.”

I said, “It must be my weekend immune system.”