Past Winners

People are so amazing... if you tell a person that there are 270,678,934,341 stars in the universe, they'll believe you.

However if you put up a sign that says "FRESH PAINT"... that same person has to make a personal investigation!

Three politicians were in a heated discussion as to which one was the best liar. As the discussion was getting louder and louder the bartender suggested they have a liars contest. After agreeing to the rules the first says, "I have never told a lie,"

The second indicated that he was not capable of telling a lie.

The third won the prize as he assured the bartender that, "The other two had told the exact truth."

A man stepped onto the overnight train and told the conductor, "I need you to wake me up in Philadelphia. I'm a deep sleeper and can be ornery when I get up, but no matter what, I want you to help me make that stop. Here's $100 to make sure."

The conductor agreed. The man fell asleep, and when he awoke he heard the announcement that the train was approaching New York. Furious, he collared the conductor. "I gave you $100 to make sure I got off in Philadelphia, you worthless fool!"

"Wow," another passenger said to his traveling companion. "Is that guy ever mad!"

"Yeah," his companion replied. "But not half as mad as that guy they forced off the train in Philadelphia."

Two years after my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I felt discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and felt better quickly.

“Now, if I ever do have a heart attack,” I told my students, “I will give extra credit to whoever gives me CPR.”

One of them shouted out, ”How much?”