Past Winners

Two doctors and an HMO manager die and line up together at the Pearly Gates. One doctor steps forward and tells St. Peter, "As a pediatric surgeon, I saved hundreds of children."

St. Peter lets him enter. The next doctor says, "As a psychiatrist, I helped thousands of people live better lives."

St. Peter tells him to go ahead. The last man says, "I was an HMO manager. I got countless families cost-effective health care."

St. Peter replies, "You may enter. But... you can only stay for three days. After that, you got to go!"

A minister delivered a sermon in 10 minutes one Sunday morning, which was about half the usual length of his sermons. He explained, "I regret to inform you that my dog, who is very fond of eating paper, ate that portion of my sermon which I was unable to deliver this morning."

After the service, a visitor from another church shook hands with the preacher and said, "Reverend, if that dog of yours has any pups, I want to give one to my minister."

Sign on a maternity room door...

"Push, Push, Push!"

The New York Times, among other papers, recently published a new Hubble Space Telescope photograph of distant galaxies colliding.

Of course, astronomers have had pictures of colliding galaxies for quite some time now, but with the vastly improved resolution provided by the Hubble Space Telescope, you can actually see the lawyers rushing to the scene.