Past Winners

During the wedding rehearsal, the groom approached the vicar with an unusual offer. "Look, I'll give you $100 if you'll change the wedding vows. When you get to me and the part where I'm to promise to 'love, honor and obey' and 'forsaking all others, be faithful to her forever,' I'd appreciate it if you'd just leave that part out."

He passed the clergyman the cash and walked away satisfied. The wedding day arrives, and the bride and groom have moved to that part of the ceremony where the vows are exchanged. When it comes time for the groom's vows, the vicar looks the young man in the eye and says, "Will you promise to obey her every command and wish, serve her breakfast in bed every morning of your life, as long as you both shall live?"

The groom gulped and looked around, and said in a tiny voice, "Yes."

The groom leaned toward the vicar and hissed, "I thought we had a deal."

The vicar put the $100 into his hand and whispered back, "She made me a much better offer."

I was at a yard sale one day and saw a box marked, “Electronic cat and dog call—guaranteed to work”.

I looked inside and was amused to see an electric can opener.

I don’t want to brag or make anybody jealous or anything, but I can still fit into the earrings I wore in high school.

Handy Guide For Using A Dictionary

1. For your convenience, all words have been placed in alphabetical order. So merely open book to page where the word you wish to look up should be.

2. If you don't know how to spell the word you wish to look up, look up a synonym and hope the definition contains the word you wish to look up.

3. If you don't know what a synonym is, look up the word "synonym," since we just showed you how to spell that one.

4. Now, repeat Step 2 before repeating Step 1.

5. If the word you originally wished to look up is found to mean something entirely different than you thought it did, then your problem is insuperable.

6. Look up "insuperable."