Past Winners

Yo momma is so fat, she sat on a quarter and a booger popped out of George Washington's nose!

Four guys are driving cross-country together -- one from Idaho, one from Iowa, one from Florida, and the last one is from New York.

After a while the man from Idaho starts pulling potatoes from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Iowa asks, "What the heck are you doing?" The man from Idaho says, "Man, we have so many of these darned things in Idaho -- I'm sick of looking at them!"

A few more miles, and the man from Iowa begins pulling ears of corn from his bag and throwing them out the window. The man from Florida asks, "What are you doing?" The man from Iowa replies, "Man, we have so many of these things in Iowa -- I'm sick of looking at them!"

Inspired by the others, the man from Florida opens the car door and pushes the New Yorker out.

An elderly man was on the operating table, about to be operated on by his son, a famous surgeon. Just before they put him under, he asked to speak to his son.

"Don’t be nervous, son, just do your best and remember, if it doesn’t go well, if something happens to me… your mother is going to come and live with you and your family."

Mary was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest."

"What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said.

So Mary bought a playpen.

A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going.

"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen with a good book and the kids don't bother me one bit!"