Past Winners

A farmers wife is cooking. She says "I need a cup of molasses, but I ran out."

Farmers runs outside and returns with two dead moles.

Wife says, "I said a cup of molasses, not a couple of mole asses!"

What's the difference between a well dressed man and a dog?

The man wears a suit. The dog just pants.

Back in the day of open cockpits and stunt planes, an elderly couple went every year to the State Fair. Poppa always wanted to fly in the stunt plane, but mamma would always tell him no. "Ten dollars is ten dollars, we don't have that kind of money to waste," she would always say.

Each year was the same. One year, the stunt pilot heard poppa ask mamma if they could go up because they weren't getting any younger. The pilot told them he would not charge them the ten dollars if he took them up and he did not hear a word from either of them. Mamma agreed to the arrangement.

The pilot did not spare the spins and rolls. When he landed, he turned to poppa to tell him how proud he was of them, because they didn't open their mouths. He was shocked to find mamma was not in the plane. "Where's mamma?" he asked emphatically.

"Oh, she fell out."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because, ten dollars is ten dollars."

Wife texts husband on a cold winter's morning:
"Windows frozen, won't open."

Husband texts back:
"Pour some hot water around the edges and then gently tap it with hammer."

Wife texts back 5 minutes later:
"We now need a new computer."