Past Winners

A quiet, little man walks into a bar and orders a beer. He sits there sipping his beer and minding his own business. All of a sudden, a big guy walks up to him and knocks him out cold and says to the barkeep, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a right-hook from Big Mike Finnigan."

A week later the little man shows up at the same bar and orders a beer. He again, sits there sipping his beer and minding his own business. The same big guy walks up to him, and the little guy knocks him out cold.

As he leaves the bar, the little guy says to the barkeep, "When he wakes up, tell him that was a crowbar from Sears."

Husband: My wife is missing. She went shopping yesterday and has not come home!

Sergeant at Police Station:
What is her height?

Husband:
Gee, I'm not sure. A little over five-feet tall.

Sergeant:
Weight?

Husband:
Don't know. Not slim, not really fat.

Sergeant:
Color of eyes?

Husband:
Sort of brown I think. Never really noticed.

Sergeant:
Color of hair?

Husband:
Change a couple times a year. Maybe dark brown now. I can’t remember.

Sergeant:
What was she wearing?

Husband:
Could have been pants, or maybe a skirt or shorts. I don't know exactly.

Sergeant:
What kind of car did she go in?

Husband:
She went in my truck.

Sergeant:
What kind of truck was it?

Husband:
A 2015 Ford F150 King Ranch 4X4 with eco-boost 5.0L V8 engine special ordered with manual transmission and climate controlled air
conditioning. It has a custom matching white cover for the bed, which has a matching aftermarket bed liner. Custom leather 6-way seats and "Bubba" floor mats. Trail-ring package with gold hitch and special wiring hook-ups. DVD with full GPS navigation, satellite radio receiver, 23-channel CB radio, six cup holders, a USB port, and four power outlets. I added special alloy wheels and off-road Michelin's. It has custom running boards and indirect wheel well lighting.

At this point the husband started choking up...

Sergeant:
Don't worry buddy. We'll find your truck.

A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea, "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your place for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy and arranged a date for a week later. His mother called the day after the big date to see how things had gone.

"The evening was a disaster," he moaned.

"Why, what happened?" asked his mother.

"Oh, she came over, but she refused to cook."

One of the airlines recently introduced a special half-fare rate for wives accompanying their husbands on business trips. Anticipating some valuable testimonials, the publicity department of the airline sent out letters to all the wives of businessmen who used the special rates, asking how they enjoyed their trip.

Responses are still pouring in from angry wives asking, "What trip?"