Past Winners

A wealthy manager was driving in his car when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed by the sight, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate. He asked one man, "Why are you eating grass?"

"We don't have any money for food," the poor man replied. "We have to eat grass."

"Well, then, you can come with me to my house and I'll feed you," the manager said.

"But sir, I have a wife and five children with me. They are over there, under that tree."

"Bring them along," the manager replied. Turning to the other poor man he stated, "You come with us also."

The second man, in a pitiful voice then said, "But sir, I also have a wife and seven children with me!"

"Bring them all, as well," the manager answered. They all entered the car, which was no easy task, even for a car as large as it was. One of the poor fellows turned to the wealthy fellow and said, "Sir, you are too kind. Thank you for taking all of us with you."

The manager replied, "Glad to do it. You'll really love my place, the grass is almost 1 foot high!"

Lesson: Never trust managers... They will go to any extreme to finish their job.

At a psychiatrist's office:
- Do you consume alcohol?
- No.
- Do you smoke?
- No.
- Do you use drugs?
- No.
- Do you play cards?
- No.
- Do you run after other women?
- No.
- So why did you come to me?
- You see, doc, I have one little problem... I lie a lot.

Interviewer: "How well do you work with Powerpoint?"

Applicant: "I Excel at it."

Interviewer: "Was that a computer joke?"

Applicant: "Word."

Brian’s stress level was at unsurpassed levels.  His wife Maggie was in labor and Brian was sure it was time to head to the hospital.  Breathing heavily, Brian grabbed the phone and called the doctor.  

“MY WIFE, SHE’S READY, SHOULD WE COME?”  The doctor tried to relax the poor fellow, “just try to relax, now tell me how much time elapses between the contractions?” 

“MAGGIE!” Brian screamed on the top of his lungs, “HOW MUCH TIME IN BETWEEN THE CONTRACTIONS? TEN MINUTES? OK, TEN MINUTES IN BETWEEN DOCTOR!”

“And is this her first child?” questioned the doctor.

“NO YOU STUPID NITWIT, THIS IS HER HUSBAND!”