Past Winners

I read the expression 'revenge is a dish best served cold'.

Then I read 'revenge is sweet'.

I came to the conclusion that revenge is ice cream.

A manager in a large company noticed a new man one day and told him to come into his office. "What is your name?" was the first thing the manager asked the new guy.

"John," the new guy replied.

The manager scowled, "Look, I don't know what kind of a place you worked at before, but I don't call anyone by their first name! It breeds familiarity and that leads to a breakdown in authority. I refer to my employees by their last name only -- Smith, Jones, Baker -- that's all. I am to be referred to only as Mr. Robertson. Now that we got that straight, what is your last name?"

The new guy sighed and said, "Darling. My name is John Darling."

"Okay, John, the next thing I want to tell you is..."

A man walks into a bar, sits down next to a beautiful woman and says, " Hi I'm Dave".
She looks at him and says, "I know Dave, we went to high school together".

He says, "I would have remembered you from high school."
She says, "Dave, it's me Richard. I'm a woman now."

Dave looks at her in disbelief, "Wow, well they did a good job! Did it hurt when they gave you those breast?"

"No, they just gave me some pills to make them grow bigger."
"Well did it hurt when they uh, you know, down there?"

"No, its a pretty routine surgery now, just had a little discomfort. I have to tell you the worst pain with the whole thing is when they stuck a vacuum in my ear and sucked out half of my brain."

I use Pantene. What do you use?
Mark's.
I use Dove soap. What do you use?
Mark's.
I use Olay lotion. What do you use?
Mark's.
Is Mark an international Brand?
No, Mark is my roommate!