food jokes

A lady goes to customer service and asks for a refund on the disposable barbecue she has brought back to the store.

Assistant: "What seems to be the problem, madam?"

Lady: "The food is missing."

Assistant: "I'm sorry?"

Lady: "Look, on the outside of the packaging it clearly shows sausages, chops and burgers. When I opened the package they were missing."

Assistant: "Madam, it says ""contents for illustration purposes only". You have to supply the food."

Lady (somewhat sheepish): "Oh. I may as well take the other two barbecues out of the freezer, then."

Oomga, a cannibal from the Congolese Amazon River Basin tribe went into the local restaurant for a bite to eat. "What's good today?" he asked the waiter.

"Today, we have an unfortunate wayward explorer from Norway. Also, we have three shipwreck survivors from the Spanish militia to pick from. But our special of the day is fabulous," the waiter continued. "She's a tarot card and crystal ball reader, one who specializes in a rather uncommon, vintage method of fortune telling."

"That settles it," Oomga replied. "I'll have the rare medium, well-done."

I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place, but I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied.

When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order.

"Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones."

What did the trash compactor say to the wine bottle?

"I've got a crush on you!"