lawyer jokes

There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and it finally came down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magma cum laud from law school, are intelligent, and well spoken. It's up to the senior partner to choose one, so he takes each aside and asks, "Why did you become a lawyer?"

In seconds, the senior partner chooses Paul. Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.

"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What in the world did you tell him?"

"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.

"Your hands? What do you mean?"

"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"

Genie: I shall grant you 3 wishes!

Me: I wish for a world without lawyers.

Genie: Done! You have no more wishes.

Me: But you said three?

Genie: Well go ahead, sue me.

The insurance agent was having quite an easy time selling Mrs. Cunningham insurance on her husband's life. In fact he thought it was too easy.

When all the details were finalized Mrs. Cunningham casually asked, "Now if my husband should die tomorrow what would I get?"

"That would depend entirely," the insurance man replied, "on how the evidence is presented to the jury."

A lawyer's dog is having a great time running around the neighborhood unleashed — it heads directly to the butcher shop and pilfers a roast. 

The butcher heads over to the lawyer's office and asks, "If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?"

The lawyer replies, "Absolutely," and the butcher informs him that he owes him $18.50 because his unleashed dog just stole a roast from his shop. Speechless, the lawyer, goes on to write the butcher a check for the damages. 

A few days later, the butcher checks his mailbox and discovers an envelope from the lawyer. Inside the envelope is an invoice that read: "$75 due for a consultation."