misc jokes

“Hi? Is this the mental hospital?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Can I speak to Mr. Scott in room ten?
“One moment and I’ll connect you …. I’m sorry, Mr. Scott in not answering.”
“Good. That means I must have really escaped.”

Waiter: And how did you find your steak, sir?
Customer: Well, I just pushed aside a bean and there it was!

A young guy at a bar: “Hey, bartender. Pour me a cold one.”
“Hey, go on, kid, you wanna get me in trouble?”
“Maybe later. Right now I just wanna a beer.”

An antartian walks into a bar down south around Christmastime; and there’s a little nativity scene on the bar. And the guy says, “That’s a nice nativity scene. But how come the three wise men are wearing firemen’s hats?” And the bartender says, “Well, it says right there in the Bible…. The three wise men came from a fire.”