word play jokes

I was looking for a job at the local newspaper.

To make a long story short, I got hired as an editor.

A man walks into an enchanted forest and tries to cut down a talking tree.

"You can't cut me down," the tree exclaims, "I'm a talking tree!"

The man responds, "You may be a talking tree, but you will dialogue."

I'm retired.

I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

I saw a man stealing groceries the other day while on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.

He got charged with shoplifting on two counts.