Best Jokes

I was visiting a monastery recently and I saw a sign that read, "In case of fire, break vow of silence."

A young man shopping in a supermarket noticed a little old lady following him around. If he stopped, she stopped. Furthermore she kept staring at him. She finally overtook him at the checkout, and she turned to him and said, "I hope I haven't made you feel ill at ease. It's just that you look so much like my late son."

He answered, "That's okay."

"I know it's silly, but if you'd call out 'Good bye, Mom' as I leave the store, it would make me feel so happy."

She then went through the checkout, and as she was on her way out of the store, the man called out, "Goodbye, Mom."

The little old lady waved and smiled back at him. Pleased that he had brought a little sunshine into someone's day, he went to pay for his groceries.

"That comes to $121.85," said the clerk.

"How come so much? I only bought 5 items!"

The clerk replied, "Yeah, but your Mother said you'd be paying for her things, too."

A groundhog wonders if he’s cursed, having been reincarnated as the same animal, again and again.

Standing on a cliff looming over an unforeseeably deep body of water, he waves goodbye to his friends, warning, “You may not recognize me in the next life.”

He jumps off the edge, plunging down into the watery grave, once again being reborn as the same groundhog.

“Unbelievable!” says one groundhog to another, both watching in dismay, “He’s gone over that waterfall, into the fountain, been sucked up through the circulation tube, and shot back out where he started, I don’t know how many times.”