A magician comes up to our table and does a card trick.
Impressed, I asked him how he did it.
He says "I can tell you, but I'd then have to kidnap you and take you away."
I said, "Can you tell my mother-in-law?"
TEACHER: Why are you late?
STUDENT: Well, because class started before I got here.
A couple was arranging for their wedding, and asked the bakery to inscribe the wedding cake with "1 John 4:18" which reads "There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear."
The bakery evidently lost, smudged or otherwise misread the noted reference, and beautifully inscribed on the cake "John 4:18" which reads "for you have had five husbands, and the man you have now is not your husband."
Boyfriend: I will never lie to you, dear.
Girlfriend: How sweet!
Boyfriend: Now you tell me a lie.