The doctor says to his patient at the end of a checkup, “Okay, let’s do a stress tolerance test."
"What's that Doc?" asked the patient.
"Nurse, the bill please!”
Why do archaeologists get all the girls?
Because they have the best dating techniques.
I just finished candy shopping for Halloween.
That’s when the 55 and over seniors in golf carts show up for trick or trick, in my community.
They will have there choice of: Prilosec; Pepto, Zyrtec, Mylanta, or the ever popular, Gas-X.
I haven't sold any copies of my autobiography...
That's the story of my life.