Best Jokes

If you’re American when you go into the bathroom, and you’re American when you leave the bathroom, what are you while you’re in the bathroom?

European.

A man had recently moved and was filling out forms at his local police station:

Q: Has your driver's license ever been suspended or revoked?

"No, never."

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a DUI?

"Oh yes, lots of times!"

Q: Have you ever been convicted of a driving-related felony?

"Yeah, three of them."

At this point, the officer stopped to ask: "Well wait a minute, if you have all of these DUIs and felonies, how come your license has never been suspended or revoked?"

The man responds: "Never got one."

It was my wife's birthday and she rang me to see what time I would be home.

"Can't talk," I said, "I'm driving."

"Where are you?" she asked.

She wasn't happy when I said the 7th tee.

While in international waters, a commercial fishing boat was taking on water. The Captain got on the radio, “May Day, May Day!”

In a few moments he heard a crackling response on his radio from another fishing boat, “June Day, June Day.” Then yet another fishing boat responded, “July Day, July Day.”

The First Mate said, “Captain, what do all these responses mean in international code?"

The Captain replied, “It means man the life boats.”