Best Jokes

As he was standing in line at the grocery store checkout counter, a friend of John's noticed he was purchasing a dozen roses and a card.

"You in trouble with Jill?" the friend asked John.

"Nope!" was John's reply. "Preventive maintenance."

The fellow was being sold a very cheap suit. "But the left arm is a lot longer than the right arm," he complained.

"That's why the suit is such a bargain," the sales clerk explained. "Just pull your left shoulder up a little, like this, and tuck this left lapel under your chin a bit, like this."

"But the right leg is way too short," argued the customer.

"No problem," the sales clerk answered. "Just keep your right knee bent a little at all times, walk like this, and no one will notice. That's why this suit is only thirty dollars."

Finally, the fellow bought the suit, pulled his left shoulder into the air, tucked the suit's left lapel under his chin, bent his right knee, and limped out of the store toward his car. Two doctors happened along and noticed him.

"Good grief," the first doctor said to the second, "look at that poor fellow."

"Yeah," answered the second doctor. "But doesn't that suit fit great?"

Baby Billy was sitting in his mother's kitchen, watching her prepare the Thanksgiving meal.

"What are you doing?" Billy asked.

"Oh, I'm just stuffing the turkey," his mother replied.

"That's cool!" Billy said. "Are you going to hang it next to the bear?"

Why did Shakespeare only write in ink?

Pencils confused him... "2B or not to 2B?"