Best Jokes
Favorite this joke A man was contesting his speeding ticket in front of the judge.
Judge: Sir, it says here that you were speeding 20 miles over the speed limit.
Man: Impossible, your Honor. There’s NO WAY I could have been going that fast!
Judge: Really! Why is that?
Man: Well, my wife was away visiting her parents and after a week of partying, I was on my way to pick her up. The house was a mess, I hadn’t done any dishes, the bed wasn’t made in a week and there were pizza boxes all over the house. Now let me ask you, your Honor, do you think I’d be speeding to go pick her up?
Judge: Case dismissed!
Sharon: I tell you, Doctor, even though I’m dieting, I’m still gaining weight!
Doctor: You might be pregnant.
Sharon: What?! That can’t be, I use birth control pills!
Doctor: That’s not a hundred percent certain.
Sharon: Then what is?
Doctor: Abstinence.
Sharon: Would you give me a prescription for it?
I read somewhere that it takes a village to raise a child...
Where is this village and is there a number you can call?
A cinema actor, suing for a breach of contract, described himself as the greatest actor in the world.
One of his friends took him to task for so loudly singing his own praises.
"I know," replied the actor, "it must have sounded somewhat conceited, but, remember, I was under oath."
Free Daily Joke