Best Jokes

The couple entered the resort's swanky dining room. "I'm sorry," apologized the Maitre D, "but there are no tables available."

"One moment, my friend," said the man, drawing himself up. "I happen to be Gregory R. Caruthers, the sportsman."

"I'd like to accommodate you, Mr. Caruthers, but there just isn't a table available this evening."

"I bet if the President came in and asked for a table, there'd be one available."

"Yes-s-s," the other admitted, "I suppose there would be a table available for the President."

"Good! I'll take it. He isn't coming!"

A flight instructor and a rookie pilot are flying in a small plane.

The flight instructor asks the rookie:"Have you ever flown solo?"

The rookie responds:"No, usually I fly higher than this."

Why did the chicken join the gym?

To work on his pecks!

One man who loved the color yellow had yellow carpet, yellow furniture, yellow drapes, yellow walls and even yellow appliances in his yellow kitchen. He slept in a yellow bed with yellow covers and wore yellow pajamas. He got sick. You guessed it ... yellow jaundice.

He called a doctor who came to his apartment building. The manager told him he'd have no trouble finding the right one. "You just go down the hall and come to a yellow door," he said. "That's the one."

In a few moments the doctor was back. The apartment manager asked, "Were you able to help him?"

The doctor replied, "Help him! I couldn't even FIND him!"