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Favorite this joke The head of the British division of Publishers Clearing House (the organization that shocks people at their door with a huge check) was recently knighted by the Queen of England.
What was the newly knighted name of this fellow?
Sir Prize!
A man walks into a bar, already drunk, and asks for a drink. "Sorry," the bartender says, "but you obviously already had a little too much to drink."
Fuming mad the man staggers out the front door and walks back in through the side door. “Can I have a drink please?”
“Sorry,” the bartender says, “but you can’t have a drink here.”
The man staggers out again and then stumbles his way back in through the back door. “Can I please have a drink?”
“Enough!” the bartender screamed. “I told you, no drinks!”
The man looks at the bartender closely and exclaims “Geez! How many bars do you work at?!"
A counselor was helping his kids put their stuff away on their first morning in summer camp. He was surprised to see one of the youngsters had an umbrella.
The counselor asked, "Why did you bring an umbrella to camp?"
The kid answered, "Did you ever have a mother?
A man being tried for murder happens to know one of the jurors. Before jury deliberation, the man finds a way to contact his friend and emphatically demands that he vote for life in prison with the possibility of parole. The friend agrees.
The jury deliberates for a week and returns a verdict of guilty with life imprisonment. The convicted man phones his friend and asks why it took so long for the verdict.
His friend says, "It took me a long time to convince the other jurors for life imprisonment."
"Why is that?"
"Because they wanted to acquit you!"
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