Best Jokes

An 85-year-old widow went on a blind date with a 90-year-old man.

When she returned to her daughter's house later that night, she seemed upset.

"What happened, mother?" the daughter asked.

"I had to slap his face three times!"

"You mean he got fresh?"

"No," she answered. "I had to wake him up. I thought he was dead!"

A woman sitting at her deceased husband's funeral. A man leans in to her and ask, "Do you mind if I say a word?"

"No, go right ahead," the woman replies.

The man stands and clears his throat, then says "Plethora" and sits back down.

"Thanks," the woman says, "that means a lot."

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead.

Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow.

Do not walk beside me either...

Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal medicine man who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation.

When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the medicine man looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"