Best Jokes

Fellow 1: "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that, too."

Fellow 2: "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of that?"

Fellow 1: "A judge told him."

The Devil tells a salesman, "Look, I can make you richer, more famous, and more successful than any salesman alive. In fact, I can make you the greatest salesman that ever lived."

"Well," says the salesman, "what do I have to do in return?"

The Devil smiles, "Well, of course you have to give me your soul," he says, "but you also have to give me the souls of your children, the souls of your children's children and, as a matter of fact, you have to give me the souls of all your descendants throughout eternity."

"Wait a minute," the salesman says cautiously, "what's the catch?"

Blowing Your Buffer - Losing your train of thought.

Career-Limiting Move (CLM) - Trashing your boss while he or she is within earshot.

Percussive Maintenance - The fine art of whacking an electronic device to get it to work again.

Ohnosecond - That minuscule fraction of time in which you realize that you've just made a BIG mistake.

Seagull Manager - A manager who flies in, makes a lot of noise, poops all over everything, and then leaves.

Flight Risk - Used to describe employees who are suspected of planning to leave the company or department soon.

Chainsaw Consultant - An outside expert brought in to reduce the employee head count, leaving the brass with clean hands.

Blamestorming - Sitting around in a group discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed and who was responsible.

404 - Someone who's clueless. From the World Wide Web error message "404 Not Found" "Don't bother asking him... he's 404, man."