Best Jokes

Priest: Do you have any confessions?

Man: I did something Father, but I am not sure if it was a sin.

Priest: Did you enjoy it?

Man: Yes father

Priest: It was a sin.

Planning a Christmas weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could go for lunch that Friday.

So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went to pick her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped.

"Thanks a lot!" she sulked.

Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the turkey."

A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher.

"Are you a friend of the bride?" he asked.

"Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother."

My wife and I were dining out at a nice restaurant. I overheard the couple at the next table discussing their bill.

"Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, we got a hog back on the farm that's worth at least $137,000."