Mr. Jones: My new loaded SUV isn’t worth a hill of beans.
Mr. Smith: What are you talking about?
Mr. Jones: Food prices.
A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections.
One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!"
The collection plate was passed around and for the first time in months everybody gave.
It seems I have spent a lifetime of mouthing mechanically, “Say thank you... Sit up straight... Use your napkin... Close your mouth when you chew... Don’t lean back in your chair...”
Just when I finally got my husband squared away, the kids came along.
Why did the itsy-bitsy spider run up the water spout?
He heard a tech company executive was there hiring web designers.