Best Jokes

Yo mamma so dumb...

...that she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetic order

...she put paper on the television and called it pay-per-view

...she went to an orthodontist to get a Bluetooth

A politician awoke in a hospital bed after a complicated operation and found that the curtains were drawn around him.

"Why are the curtains closed," he said. "Is it night?"

A nurse replied, "No, it's just that there's a fire at the empty warehouse across the street, and we didn't want you waking up and thinking that the operation was unsuccessful."

As a kid, parent-teacher conferences were embarrassing and awkward for me and my parents. My teacher made my parents write on the blackboard one hundred times, "We will not have any more children."

A man is waiting in line for a hit movie. Behind him are two women. The usher comes along and says that he has two seats together.

Seeing the problem, the usher says to the man. "Let them go first. You wouldn't want to separate a woman from her mother, would you?"

The man says, "No, sir. I did that once, and I've been sorry ever since."