Best Jokes

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards.

One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is?"

Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

In days of old, when knights were bold, this particular knight was leaving the castle and called one of his squires. "Here is the key to my treasure chest. I will be gone for about a year and I want you to keep it safe until I return. Don't let anyone near my gold."

The knight sets out on the dusty road, armored from head to toe, and takes a look back at his castle. He sees the squire rushing across the drawbridge, yelling, "Stop! Thank goodness I was able to catch you. This is the wrong key."

Why should you never drill a hole in a clock?

Because time will run out.

My wife complained that I never take her anywhere...

I told her that's not true, we take a trip around the sun every year!