Joey would always come to school late and tell the teacher a big lie about what had made him late. Fed up with his lies, the teacher planned to tell Joey a bigger lie to teach him a lesson.
The next day, Joey came in late again "I'm sorry I'm late," he said. "I got up early this morning and went fishing in the pond on my way to school; I caught a big, heavy fish and took it home so my mom could get it ready for dinner. I couldn't walk very fast because carrying the fish slowed me down."
"Well, that's very interesting, because I had an experience of my own on my way to school." the teacher replied. "I was walking to class when I began to hear the sound of growling behind me. I turned around and saw an enormous grizzly stomping up to me; he was 30 feet tall, with razor sharp fangs, claws like knives and looked very hungry. Suddenly, a little dog ran out of the bushes, beat up the bear and gobbled him up. What do you think of that, Joey?"
Joey replied, "Oh yeah, that's my dog Spot."
Lawyer: “Now, would you please tell the Jury the truth. Why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?”
Defendant: “I didn't want to wake up the children.”
If I had a dollar for every time someone tells me to grow up...
I could build the coolest tree house ever!
At the doctor's waiting room a man was sitting opposite a mother and her little daughter.
He asks the little girl, "Hi there, and how old are you?"
The little girl showed him 4 fingers to indicate she is 4 years old.
The man says, "That is nice, but can't you talk?"
The little girl replies, "Yes I can, but can't you count?"