Best Jokes

An aircraft had been waiting on the tarmac for a big thunder storm to pass and the passengers were getting impatient . The pilot made repeated apologies for the delay but it didn't sooth the angry travelers.

Finally the pilot buzzed the intercom and made this announcement, "Would you rather be down here wishing you were up there, or up there wishing you were down here?"

You hear about the skunk arrested for counterfeiting?

He was giving out bad scents!

Ken sets up his friend Mike on a blind date with a young lady-friend of his. But Mike is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's really unattractive?" says Mike. "I'll be stuck with her all night."

"Don't worry," Ken says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. But just in case you need to escape, there's a 'Bad Date Rescue App' you can install on your smartphone. Schedule your phone to ring just after you meet her and answer with, 'Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?' It works every time."

So that night, Mike knocks on the girl's door and when she comes out he is awestruck at how attractive and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl's phone rings and she answers with, "Mom, what's the matter, are you okay?"

A football coached was asked about his star lineman.

The coach replied, "He doesn't know the meaning of the word fear. In fact, I have seen his grades and there are a lot of words he doesn't know the meaning of!"